I love every person unconditionally. I have been treated horribly in some relationships and still love and treated them people with unconditional respect and love because I thought maybe my unconditional love would help him/them want to change an be better people. I thought that they would be better for themselves at least. They were selfishly better to themselves. Till this day i still am too nice. I should no longer treat some with respect. My child has not seen his father going on three years. He has hardly called him. He claimed him on his taxes 2 years in a row witch messed up my financial situation. Which wasn’t good at the time with the help of my ex stealing from me and spending all our money on drugs. He came home all messed up and said he lost $600. That was our bill money for Gas, electricity, and food. What’s was I to do? My son and I were walking in the door to find his father on the floor with a needle in his arm. I have had it. I was not going to let my child see anyone like this ever again. Nor would I worry about feeding and keeping a warm clean roof over his head. What was I to do? Leave his father and Take care of my child, my mother, and myself.
Then to blow my mind. I had requested the child support court to have supervised visits because he had seizures due to his drug and alcohol addiction and probably from being beaten in the head. I had a video of him all messed up when I was going to pick my son up. I had proof he was on drugs. I had a reasonable and unacceptable acceptable reason why I did not want my son alone with him. And since his family didn’t keep a good enough eye on my son I didn’t want him there. With all his physical and mental problems they dropped my son off alone with his father at a Derby. I gave the courts the proof I had and asked them to keep my son safe and away from them. The courts did not agree with me. They told me as long as there is an adult there who is sober that my son would be fine. Not only has my son’s father failed his son and I but so has the court system.
My ex was insistent on going to his parents and brothers to borrow money to survive on till next Payday. With the last of the gas I had I could only make it there. So before we left he had called to make sure we could borrow money. We get to his parent’s house and even after they said they could help we get there to them saying they could not help. They had ten dollars in rolled quarters. Before we left his parent house I told his dad I could not take it and that I was leaving him at his brothers. We get to his brothers and he says the same. The $300 hundred he was supposed to borrow to us he didn’t have now. My ex’s father had called his brother to let him know I was leaving him there.
We got to his brothers and went inside. I told my ex I was going to roll some cigarettes and would be right back. Apparently his brother told him I was leaving him there. I went outside and started to pull out and he started to yell and chase me down. Till this day I’m surprised he let me go outside if he knew. But maybe he thought he could talk me into coming back. I was gone. I left him with the clothes on his back just like he did us. but he treated and left us much worse. That night I cried all the way home. I called my mother who had my son. I told her I left him there and I was just upset because I was afraid he was gonna kill himself. Because anytime I threatened to leave he would say he has no one and if I left he would kill himself. He would take handfuls of pills daily just to clean house and make phone calls so I believed he would.
I could not help someone who won’t and did not want the help and who’s does not see a problem with there actions. I could only love myself and my child more. I could love him or anyone unconditionally and it will do nothing if they don’t accept it. People are who they are you can not change people and no one should ever try. The way I saw it was I couldn’t change or accept his behaviors. So I would leave him.
I tried for years and he would fight me tooth and nail. If I was to try to walk out the door he would stand in front of it. He would even sleep there So I would not leave. That night I left him, that was when my life was going to finally change. I always told myself when I finally got him out of our life that I would go to college, get off the drugs, get my bills paid, and taxes on my home. Most important I would protect my son from seeing his dad put his hand on his mother. I would protect him from being hurt by his father. I would protect him from seeing his father under the influence of drugs or alcohol.
I was with him for 12 long years. I look back and don’t know how I did it. I left him in 2014. Let him move back for a few months to help him with his child support payments. Since he could not get a job. And if he moved back in he would not have to pay support. My mother and I wanted to see him do good Obviously. He moved back for 3 months and the shit started right back up. He was on drugs, bring drama to out home. The only thing he was trying to do was get me in trouble since I would not get back with him. Even though we had already talked and made an agreement. That we were not getting back together.
He went to his sister’s house and she went and bought Alcohol for them both. She knew they could not drink together. Well he ended up pulling a knife out on her and cutting her hand. Then he was headed to my home where my mother, our son and I was. Getting ready for bed. He was pounding on the door so hard it sounded like he was beating it down. He woke up our son. I called the cops. We stayed in my mother’s room and waited for the police. He kept telling our son to come out and see me I will give you candy and Ice cream. My son Royce was terrified. He will be 11 soon and I hope he does not remember.
When the cops got there they could not take him to jail since his address was there. They asked if he had a family. I said to call his sister, at the time I did not know what happened. Next thing the cops are telling me what happened there And they still did not take him to jail. The next day I had a am breast exam because the found a lump on my breast which everything is ok. But I went to the store to get my mom coffee and breakfast before my appointment. I get back home and pull in the driveway and I see him on the phone. And I noticed his face was red when he was on the phone. He had called the cops on me and said I hit him. He had hit himself to make it look like I hit him. Turns out they would not believe him this time and gave him a room in the county jail. All this was in 2016.
At the end of 2016 into 2017 I had met the man I’m with now. I actually met him when all that was going on in my life. We have now been together going on 3 years. We have a one-year-old child together And I have never been happier. I truly feel I found the man of my dreams. I remember asking the universe for him. Our life has been so beautiful. There’s been ups and downs but more ups then upset. Life was hard and I’m still learning at living, growing stronger every day. I wanted to thank the universe and my mother for helping me on this journey. I thank you universe for healing and helping me and my beautiful mom who has made me into the women I am today. Namaste, love, and light.